They say "every picture tells story" but this doesn't have to mean every story a pictures tells is a good one. For example the picture posted above tells a tale of a broken spirit nearly reduced to tears, questioning why he is out there suffering on the Yellow Lake climb, whether or not he is physically and mentally strong enough to go on in triathlon and struggling to understand the reason why he should go onwards to Ironman Canada in 2010.
Originally I wanted to use a picture from 70.3 since that was a defining day for me in terms of things gone wrong. On August 2nd 2009, I sufferred.
What Happened?
In short what happened was my stomach shut down out on the run which led to a backlog of fuel in my stomach or more precisely in my small intestines where absorption of fluid and food actually occurs. The direct cause was eating too large an amount of "chewie" sports nutrition products near the end of the bike course. As such I left transition with a bolus of undigested chewies in the gut which created a sort of "dam" in my system which I later saw at the 19.5km point of the run. Rookie mistake. I know better. I learned something new on that day about my body.
We all have a bad day from time to time and I had one on that day. So I have moved on and I am looking forward now versus dwelling on what happened.
Reflection
To find meaning as to why I enjoy partaking in triathlons and what keeps me motivated to do so required some time away and a lot of self reflection. I got both the week after Calgary 70.3 where the first two and half days were spent recovering physically from the Sunday race. My family and I travelled to Couer d'Alene which has become one of our favorite summer locations to visit. The drive down was tough for me and I tried to sleep my way to our rented house. Between sleeping I had lots of time to reflect not so much on the event and what happened but more on myself. I interrogated myself silently to see if I was too weak to continue and would rather quit all of this – at several points I did quit. After more sleep, the next round of interrogations occurred and I was on the fence and convinced that I didn't have to do another Ironman. In fact I could simply just do sprint distance events and Olympic distance events because they are in fact still triathlons. There is no shame in not doing another Ironman as I have already done one. More sleep and now I am at peace with myself and plotting what I have to do to be ready for next year's Ironman.
When we were in Couer d'Alene something interesting and somewhat "destined" for me appeared. The August 2009 issue of Triathlete magazine which is a Sport Psychology Special Edition! Within the pages there is a great article by Ben Greenfield entitled "What Really Motivates You?" which offers a great exercise in exploring the question "Why do you really do triathlons?" that he poses. He cites that there are two different forms of motivation (irrational or emotional and rational or logical) and that we should all explore and identify what our irrational or emotional motivation is for doing triathlons because once you hit a bad patch during an event, knowing your true motivation can get you through this. Check out his blog posting at http://www.bengreenfieldfitness.com/2009/05/why/ where you can explore more and see examples of why others do triathlons.
Exploring My Motivation
In answering the question "why do you do triathlons" for myself, I found it was a harder exercise than originally thought. Honestly I had never really explored this consciously other than I enjoy the diverse training, the challenge of training for three sports, learning the technical nuances of swimming and challenging myself to do better than before. So in looking at things from a more emotional perspective (I will preserve the analysis for myself) I determined that my motivation is to prove to myself that I am both physically and more importantly mentally tough enough to complete another Ironman event with the intent on proving it at Ironman Canada in 2010. Further to my motivation is that I want to be in control of how I feel and execute on that day. My best events have always been defined by how in control I felt on that day regardless of outcome. I have often found that once I am no longer in control of my emotions or lose focus, I struggle and feel empty. I want to evoke the passion, commitment, consistency, knowledge and belief required to do this event. Yes I have a time goal. We all do. However so much can happen on the big day that can easily derail the time goal and yet still yield a special experience. So I seek a feeling of complete control on the day derived from being physically and mental "tough enough" forged through the many hours of training that lay ahead.
Right Now
I have successfully completed an Ironman in 2007 where I was feeling fantastic at the finish line, giddy from the experience and above all proud of my accomplishment – I was in complete control that day. My finest athletic accomplishment to date and in my head that day I had already committed to doing another Ironman in the years to come. I want that feeling again and as Sammy Hagar says in a live performance with Van Halen "what is understood doesn't need to be discussed" and so it was like that on Monday August 31st as I lined up at 5:30am to register for next year's event alongside veteran IM athletes and first timers. No one in that line discussed their reasons why they wanted to do it – we just all knew it.
The road in front of me now is a full commitment towards August 29 2010. I am already enjoying this journey!
JVD
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